I apologize for the overuse of the word “Fuck” and the prefixes and suffixes
that may accompany the word.
Accountability, Responsibility, Trust and Ownership
Accountability: An obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or
to account for one’s actions.
Responsibility: The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or
of having control over someone; The opportunity or ability to act
independently and make decisions without authorization.
Trust: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone
Ownership: The act, state, or right of possessing something.
Four very critical pillars in a relationship, and the only way I judge my partners.
I am always looking for accountability. Someone who can own their actions, who does what they say they’re going to do, and someone who I can rely on.
I think responsibility is a pretty simple thing to grasp, although, difficult to find in people. Someone who is responsible will be reliable, studious, independent, and hardworking, without procrastinating. There is nothing I can slowly build a great resentment for like procrastination. It drives me insane.
Trust is a learning and ever-growing thing. If you’re jumping head first into a new relationship and hoping that the other person will catch you, you’re going to either be amazed or severely broken and disappointed…more likely the latter 99% of the time. I speak from experience, so if your views are different and you just throw your trust around to whomever, good for you. I’m sincerely happy you’ve not had your heart curb-stomped by a fucking monster douche-canoe.
Most people believe that in a relationship, the longer you’ve been together, the dimmer the flame burns. I think NOT, my friend! As long as your relationship is constantly evolving and growing, and both of you are constantly growing yourselves, that flame will grow BRIGHTER. There’s always ways to build more trust; be honest, build each other up, and love unconditionally. Never stop learning about each other. But fair warning, this is a TWO-WAY STREET and a JOINED EFFORT. One person cannot be putting in all of the work, all of the time, and not have that reciprocated, this won’t work.
As for ownership, this kind of relates back to accountability, taking ownership over your actions, admitting openly when you’re WRONG, because no doubt, you will be at some points. ADMIT to it. Don’t cower behind excuses and the like. Learn to apologize for your fuckups. “I’m Sorry.” can save a lot of frustration and arguments in the future.
As well with this topic, nonsynonymously, I’d like to take this time to address the physical and emotional/mental state of ownership, not just the trait, which is a totally different thing altogether.
If you have a submissive of sorts, own that shit. Take ownership. If she’s/he’s given themselves to you, it’s because THEY WANT YOU TO. They’re handing their control over to you, completely. So buck up, and let them know how it is. Stop second guessing it and questioning everything. There’s a difference between respectable boundaries, consent to pushing limits, and being cautious when playing with new ideas. You CAN STILL BE A GENTLEMAN whilst exhibiting control and dominance.
Here’s a fucking idea – COMMUNICATE. OFTEN. Then it won’t be awkward. ASK THEM what they like, what they consent to, what their limits are, and what they’d like to try, so that you CAN own both of your actions when you play. I know some Domly Doms™ use “contract” type agreements, and sure, it’s a good, precise way to find out whats up with your partner and what they consent to, but honestly, there is nothing that compares to a good, old-fashioned verbal conversation.
I cannot stress enough that COMMUNICATION IS KEY. I just can’t. This is SO important, guys. Have concerns? Questions? Don’t like something? Love something? Curious? FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT. BEFORE you engage, over react, or make assumptions.