I know you try your best to swallow that shame, loneliness, and fear. Everyday.
The overwhelming anxiety, the depression like a vice around your throat, holding on tight until you choke. I know what it’s like. I know you feel unworthy of love, insignificant, and alone.
I know you’re tired, completely emotionally and physically exhausted. I know how hard it is to even move, the struggle to force yourself to eat or get out of the house, even bed some days.
I know the temptation, the bleak presence that washes over your body and mind, telling you to just say “fuck it”.
I know the hurt of watching yourself break in the bathroom mirror, the tears stinging your cheeks, seeing the internal war, complete chaos, and unimaginable pain in your own eyes staring back at you and then crumbling to the floor in a shattered lifeless heap.
I’m not writing this to give you some bullshit motivational speech. You’ve heard it all before…
I’m writing this to tell you that I will pick you back up when you’re ready. I’ll brush you off and sprinkle you in a fresh new coating of happiness and affection, if you’d have me.
I will fight with you against your demons until they’re forced to loosen their grip around your throat. I’ll help you find a way to breathe again, if you’d have me.
I will hold you close and give you sanctuary in me and melt away the darkness that envelops you, and cherish every second of those moments, if you’d have me.
I will kiss those tears away until your vision is no longer blurred from the sharp liquid drops, and fill your eyes back up with light…That glorious light, that beautiful sparkle, those eyes that save me from myself each time, if you’d have me.
I will run with you if you decide that be your fate, never letting you out of my sight, because I’d rather have you by my side than anyone, if you’d have me.
I’d love nothing more than to be your comfort, be that bliss, a safe place where you’re never alone. I will be here, everytime. I don’t care if you need me at 3am, I’ll still be there. Every. Single. Time. Because you don’t even know what I owe you. It’s not even that I’d owe it to you anyways, really, it’s that I want to, and so I will.
I believe in you, I’m proud of you, and I don’t care about you just for the light and bright parts of you, I care for your dark places too, even those pages where it hurts to look.
…I’ll be here, when you’re ready, if you’d have me.