Selfishness, I believe, is the necessary evil of this world.

     If I was to look out strictly for myself, to avoid being hurt, it would mean running and abandoning everyone. My mother, father, sisters, brother, my best friend, acquaintances, mentors and coaches…Everyone. Everyone who has ever slightly betrayed me, caused me any sort of pain or grief or upset, because I already know for a fact that they will eventually hurt me in some way again. Truth. So, that being said, when it comes to being relatively selfish, I have to choose who I’d be (and I use this term loosely) willing to suffer for, who will be worth aching over, who will be of foundational strength or who will serve purpose in my life. Call it “using people”, whatever. My point remains the same. If someone serves no purpose in my life and the relationship is of no benefit, it’s not practical to maintain, it’s wasted effort. So! In conclusion, I must reevaluate my current relationships and sever some ties, yes. 

     This world is dark, and it’s thus far sucked me dry. It’s my selflessness that’s destroyed me. How can something seen as a positive, admirable trait make you disintegrate and decay into this vile, corrupt…thing?! Giving so much of yourself to others, there’s nothing left for you…much like communion, handing wafer after wafer to those around us, expecting nothing in return, trying to do good, and be righteous and completely selfless. No matter how big or small the wafers are, no matter how many we give out for another mouth to chew upon and spit back out, our stockpile will dwindle, until we’re left with a single wafer. What then? It’s fight or flight at this point.

     Do we starve ourselves, providing the ultimate sacrifice, becoming the perfect saints we’ve talked ourselves up to being, all for the sake of our fellow man? Or do we keep that last little crumbling wafer, tuck it away in our pocket, and run far, far away from anyone who could even potentially crush the fragile thing? Our fragile soul…The ultimatum of a lifetime.