December 2015

A Note To My Exes, Past Lovers, Flings, & Things.

Thank you for being abusive, manipulative, sociopathic assholes. Thank you for being alcoholics and drug addicts. Thank you for beating the shit out of me, telling me I wasn’t good enough, and never believing in me. Thank you for using me for just as long as you needed, before suddenly dropping off the earth. Thank you for choosing her instead of me. Thank you for shattering my self-image and crumbling my confidence…

Because of you, I am better than I ever was before. Because of you I can appreciate what I have now to the fullest extent and never take the ones I love for granted. I can feel in depth the compassion and empathy I express to my friends. I acknowledge the little things in life, smell the roses, and take in the wonders of my surroundings.

Because of you, I am quick to recognize red flags. I am able to identify users and abusers quickly and accurately. I can easily weed out poisonous people in my life, burn bridges without regret, and have learned that it’s not worth it to even look back at what was. My eyes are fixed on the horizon in front of me, and I will continue marching straight into the sun.

Because of you, I can love deeper, trust wholly, and serve honestly, because I know that the select few I allow into my life are good and true people that I trust, honor, and respect. I am able to give much more of myself now that you’re done sucking me dry. I will not be your bloodbag anymore, or ever again.

Because of you, I’ve been able to be free. I’ve met amazing people. Some of those people build me up and give me a reason to fight. Every minute I spend with those people, my self-worth increases. They genuinely care about me. It’s not a façade like you put on, or a selfish plea of attention. It’s real, true affection. Something I’d never be able to experience, had I stayed in your life.

Because of you, I can love…Wholly and true…and it feels unbelievably incredible to be able to do that and know that they aren’t trying to burn me up. I will continue to love and be loved without you, and I will be grateful for every moment I get to do so.

I am free.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart…♥

1 – Be able to hold a conversation. Late night talks that go on for hours let me get to know you better and create connection. Electricity. I want to know about your aspirations, your biggest, wildest dreams, your hidden talents, where you see yourself in 10 years, your passions, hobbies, and fears. I want to know you. This also lets me trust you more. Be honest and kind with your words.

2 – Pay attention to detail. If you notice the little things I do and enjoy, it makes me feel like you’re genuinely putting an effort into what we have, no matter what kind of relationship that entails. Surprise me with something that lets me know you were paying attention. Remember how I take my coffee, where my favorite cafes, bakeries and shoppes are, and who my favorite authors and musicians are.

3 – Be spontaneous. I like to escape. A lot. I like spur of the moment travels, last minute plans, and random adventures. You’d better be down for a drive at 2am to the mountains for just a day trip or a hike. Even better – tell me where you want to go at 2am, and let’s just go. I don’t care if it’s just a walk around the block. There’s some great hiking trails through the rockies that I enjoy more than anything. They’re my happy places. I am at peace when I go there, and I want to share those experiences with someone who can appreciate them as much as I.

4 – Be Inquisitive. When you ask me questions, or ask me to explain or elaborate on areas of my life, it makes me feel as if you care, and that you want to get to know me as well. I’m an open book, and love sharing stories.

5 – Read To Me. Words are my inspiration. It could be poetry, or a novel, or even a journal entry or blog post. I love words. I love what they can do for a human soul, how they can create images and emotions just from some blotted ink on a piece of paper. It’s a beautiful thing.

6 – Embrace My Little. There’s no better feeling than having your hair brushed and being sang to, while receiving random neck kisses. Hold my hand to cross the street. Hold me and tell me you’ll keep me safe. Play with my hair and cuddle me. Color with me. Run me a bubble bath, and actually stay in the bathroom with me and play. It’s a part of me, and if I express it, it means you’re special and I trust you with that vulnerable side of myself.

7 – Have Superior Aftercare. Tight cuddles, blankies, water and kisses. Reassuring words help tremendously. Tell me why you like me, why you enjoyed our scene, or how I make you feel. Aftercare for me is intimate and serious, and I don’t take it lightly. Be willing to take as much time as I need to collect myself and my thoughts. Of course, this is reciprocated based on what you need as well.

8 – Incorporate Some Romance. Yeup. I’m not asking for a box of fucking chocolates and a giant bouquet. Romance can be so many things. Dancing, cuddles, dinner. A walk in the park. A single rose. Cute notes slipped into my bag. I don’t want you to spend unnecessarily, especially because I’m not in the position to reciprocate that.

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